Don't take the Bypass

Don’t take the bypass—the only way out, is through!

I used to work with an organization in New York City called Friends In Deed, which helped people with HIV/AIDS and other life threatening illnesses learn how to be present for their own process of dying from (or living with) disease.  In the Big Group sessions, the leader would encourage us to be aware of, and present for whatever was happening at that moment. “The only way out of this is through it,” she would say! In other words, there is no bypass.

In many large cities, there is a highway known as the bypass, that helps travelers avoid heavy traffic and impossible rush hour congestion; think of highway I-285 in Atlanta, or the I-405 in Los Angeles. For many drivers, these alternate routes are helpful for avoiding unending frustration and hours of wasted time on the way to their destination. Sometimes we try to take a bypass in our everyday lives.

For some mind-based or intellectual types, that may show up as intellectual bypass. Paul Dunion, the author and psychological healer describes intellectual bypass this way: “…an attempt to find a detour around the necessity of living life on life’s terms...”  This type of bypass might show up as a tendency toward doing or thinking as opposed to just being. Consider people (like me) who have spent this time of physical isolation taking multiple online classes, attending webinars, and reading blogs. It is easier for me to live in my mind sometimes.

For some, the bypass may show up as spiritual bypass. This is defined as “…using spirituality to avoid, suppress, or escape from uncomfortable issues in life.” Consider statements like these: “this pandemic is here to help us remember how important it is to have connection,” or “we will all come out of this better than before.” These statements may be true on one level, and I have certainly used spiritual bypass in my life, but this might not help us understand the experiences we are having right here, right now, in our physical lives.

We may come out of this better, and the earth may be healed for a time, and we may treasure our connections with others more afterwards, but for some people, what is happening now is difficult. People may be confused, scared, lonely. They may be hungry!

In a recent email from the Center for Action and Contemplation called Hope and Suffering, Richard Rohr wrote this: “The virtue of hope, with great irony, is the fruit of a learned capacity to suffer wisely, calmly, and generously. The ego demands successes to survive; the soul needs only meaning to thrive. Somehow hope provides its own kind of meaning, in a most mysterious way.”

The “successes” he references here might be our tendencies to intellectual or spiritual bypass. But hope and suffering are intertwined.  What if we take the view that events in life do not happen to us, but they happen for us? In that case, this unexpected period we are experiencing of physical distancing, virtual work, and a necessarily slow pace, might hold different lessons for us.

Sink into your presence and experience! Be fully in this moment. What is happening for you right now? What is your physical experience telling you? What are you experiencing as you sit in the traffic in the middle of this rush hour? Whatever it is, any of it, all of it…it’s ok.

Resist taking the bypass--the only way out of this is through it!